So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
