A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
