I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
