I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
