One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
you never un-have a 4some
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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