I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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