Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
