my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
even my farts smell like vagina
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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