Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
