Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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