and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
