K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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