Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
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Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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