your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
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Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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