You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
