dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
