wrigley field is MILF paradise
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
