using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
