the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
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I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
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This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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