Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
