guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
