she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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