Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You're my little dorito
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
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you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
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I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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