I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize