Plan B is the new Plan A
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
