We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
