it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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