Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
