RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
