he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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