So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
