I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
