Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
