for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
