Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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