Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
