feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
