I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Let's get the cat blown out
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
