...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
