Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
