Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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