i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Vodka?
Forever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize