You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think your dad took our porno
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
