Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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