Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
