Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
