I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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