I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
