No stitches, just platelets and will power
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize