Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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