When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
