i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
