theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
