thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
