she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
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Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
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I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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