he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
