thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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