your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
