Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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