i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
