FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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