Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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