i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
