i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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