Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
