I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize