Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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