I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
