I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
