she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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