My room smells like vodka and shame
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
