capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
