All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
