so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
