remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
