You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
