@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
