that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
