You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
