I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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