i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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