Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
