Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
